Early Sharing and Turn Taking Skills.

We've made a connection.
I'm led by the child in play. 
We have shared attention.  
Now what? 
How do I engage my child with playing "with me"? How can I teach them to take turns or share? 

Early sharing and turn-taking skills start well before we ask a child to "give" you something or "wait" for their turn. 

For some children, the idea of  "sharing or taking turns" is met with fear. Someone is going to take my toy from me.  I'm never getting it back. I didn't even get to really play with it.  OR I don't want to play that way. I like being in control of the objects/role/game.  

Here are some practical ways to build a foundation of sharing and turn taking in a neuroaffirming way. Begin by reflecting on what your child may already be doing through PLAY (of course)! 

1) Sharing by colour: Different colours of the same items. 
Name the colours as your child is playing with the items of different colours. 
Examples: Coloured balls, coloured pop tubes, coloured pencils, coloured pom poms, etc.
"John you have red. John you have green.  Yellow's turn.  Blue's turn". 
By labelling the colours, you are indicating that each item is having a turn.  Your child is independent in play.  Don't anticpate the colours initially for your child to take but reflect on what they are already doing. Over time, you may anticipate and your child may respond by picking the colour that you have named. This gradual "demand" request may be instant for some children and for other children it can take a much longer time (ie. weeks, months). 

2) Sharing by objects: Different objects of the same group performing the same action. 
Examples: Farm animals. Cars. Bugs. Figurines. 
"Pig eating. Cow eating. Horse eating. Donkey's turn. Duck's turn." 
You can reflect on a your child's play if they are already doing this.  If they are not, you can model some actions beside your child as they play.  Invite your child to help the objects to take turns. There are no rules here with how many times you perform the action or how many times the child helps the objects to take turns.

​You can start with single step actions and increase this to two-step or multiple-step actions over time. "Bluey is going up the ladder and down the slide. Rusty is waiting for a turn. Rusty is going up the ladder and down the slide. Bluey's turn to wait." 
This introduces your child to taking turns with an element of waiting. Don't rush to participate and allow your child to play with as many objects as they want to. If someone has more than "one turn", then reflect on this. "Bluey is having another turn". 

You can also introduce an additional action for the one who is "waiting". "Bluey is having a turn on the slide. Rusty is waiting on the swing.  Bluey has finished on the slide. Rusty's turn on the slide and Bluey's turn on the swing". 

3) Sharing with your child's body parts or a toy's body parts. 
Examples: Balloon play. Ball play. Simon says. Washing in the bath. Doll/teddy play. 
"Shake your hands. Shake your foot. Shake our head." or 
"Wash teddy's tummy. Wash teddy's back. Teddy's hands can have a turn. Teddy's face can have a turn". 
You can model this with your own body or on the toy.  You may have two identicial toys where you model on your toy.  If your child is not interested in following your request, go back to reflecing on what they are doing. Bath time or dressing time at home can be natural times where you label body parts. 

4) Multiple children/adults jointly sharing one item together. 
Examples: Sharing a table of playdough. Sharing one parachute. 
"We are all sitting at the table. We are sharing the table." (You may be doing the same or different things at the table). or
"We are all holding the parachute together. We are sharing this game.  You are lying down and the parachute can go up/down". 
This requires some shared attention of the place or the activity. It introduces connection and collaboration without demanding participation. Some children find it easier to relate to adults (as they are more predictable) and other children find it easier to connect with other children. It is helpful to introduce this aspect of sharing with toys, adults and children. 

5) Multiple children/adults sharing an item that is split between them. 
Examples: The tub of playdough/sand is split in half and given to two people. A piece of paper is cut into two. The pretend pizza/cake is split into two. A game that has multiple features that can be shared (eg. Hungry Hippos). Multiple balls where everyone gets their own ball. 
"We will both have some.  We are sharing". 
This requires shared attention and connection with the other person. Inner motivation is needed to compromise for the other person to have what the child has. You may consider an "uneven split" if this helps to build this concept. 

6) Turning taking with one item between children. 
Examples: Multiple children share one ball. Multiple children share one swing. 
"My turn. Your turn". 
This is a more traditional idea of sharing where one child has to wait and the other child can play with the item. Sometimes the item is passed back and forth between the children (eg. a ball) and at other times the other child just watches while waiting. To help this level of sharing, you can introduce counting. "Trixie can count to 10 with the bubble wand.  Josh's turn with the bubble wand. Let's count to 10." For longer periods of time a visual timer can help set expectations and a predictable outcome. 

7) Role play and turn taking roles. 
Examples: Shop keeper/customer, Doctor/patient, Teacher/student. 
"Let's play pretend". 
This is a higher level of sharing and turn taking.  Pretend play requires not only shared attention, but collaboration and negotiation skills.  
Some children enjoy "scripted" role playing where you can model what happens in one particular role before they are happy to give it a try "You have one orange - swipe on register, place in bag. you have two apples - swipe on register, place in bag, that's $3.00 please. Thanks, come again."  
  
Would you like to continue teaching your child about "sharing"? Have a look at this social story that I created! 

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This article was written in response to a question one of my supervisees had recently! 
​How do your teach your child to share and take turns? 

Until next time,
Cindy

Cindy is a registered occupational therapist practising in Sydney, Australia.  She has two growing children who are a constant source of inspiration and learning.  Cindy loves working creatively to help children to reach their potential, finding opportunities in everyday living and making learning fun. She is also addicted to making printables (even when they take a long time to complete).  Cindy is the author of the Occupational Therapy blog Your Kids OT.  Read more articles from Your Kids OT at https://www.yourkidsot.com/blog

Cindy is a contributing author of the Functional Skills for Kids Therapy Team.  They have together published THE HANDWRITING BOOK, THE SCISSORS SKILLS BOOK and THE TOILETING BOOK.

​The information on this site is general in nature. The activities are safe for most children, however, you should consult an Occupational Therapist or health professional to address specific movement, sensory or other medical conditions. Affiliate links are used throughout this website to promote recommended products. Your Kids OT receives a small commission if any purchases are made through these links. Please see my disclosure policy for more details. ​​​
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